Postcards From Myself

Just a quick note for anyone who is a Nine Inch Nails fan. NIN are giving away their new album, The Slip (Halo 27), totally free. According to their website, it is Trent Reznor and the group’s way of saying thank you to the fans for their continued support.

The album is available for download at http://theslip.nin.com in a variety of formats including high-quality MP3, FLAC or M4A lossless at CD quality and even higher-than-CD quality 24/96 WAVE. Submit your email address at the Nine Inch Nails site and you will receive an email that contains a link to the downloadable album. Your link will include all download options - all free. All downloads also include a PDF of the album artwork and credits.

I have only listened to The Slip once so far, but I enjoyed it a lot. It is not as hard as Nine Inch Nail’s early albums, but is more “song oriented” and accessible than than Ghosts I-IV which was also available for download though at a cost. The Slip runs about 45 minutes long and is a must for any NIN fan, even the most remote. Once again, Trent Reznor comes through.

OK, maybe not mindless, but at least very, very calm. Ever since I started taking the Lexapro that my doctor prescribed for me I have been a much different person. At least that is what my family is saying. Word is that I have been much calmer, slower to anger, and less reclusive. But, there is a downside to that. The thing that I have noticed is that while I may not be as anxious or quick to get upset over small things, I have also lost some of my drive.

A year or two ago, at the urging of my family, my doctor tried to put me on an anti-anxiety medication - I don’t remember if it was Lexapro or some other. I didn’t stay on it very long for the reason that I lost almost all my urges to do anything. And I am not just talking about sex here, I am talking about the desire to write, to read, to play, to do most anything. I felt like a jellyfish.

Now this time it doesn’t feel so bad. Yes, I have seen a dramatic decrease in my drive. But I have also seen an increase in my attention span and my consideration. I am just simply not a frantic, angry person. Of course having a different blood pressure medication is also helping. My goal right now though is to get some of my motivation back. I need to be able to lose the anxiety and stress without forgoing the drive and detirmination. So I am trying to write down more goals, use my friends and family as reminders of those goals, and basically just get my self back into it.

Tell you what though, I really am seeing things more clearly now. I am a bit ashamed that it took medication to remove some of the clouding from my eyes, but at least it was removed. And I am a much happier person for it!

Guess they don’t like it when your blood pressure shoots up, your face turns red, you get dizzy, and your heart races and thumps. So I am off to be examined this afternoon. I am sure it is a combination of stress, eating habits, stress, lack of exercise, and stress. We will just have to see what they do to me. Probably more medication. Too bad they won’t prescribe a few weeks on a deserted island somewhere.

Worse than medication I am sure the doctor is going to tell me to get back to exercising. Hey, I have a membership to the gym and carry around the card. Isn’t that exercise enough? I figured that by carrying the card in my pocket I would get healthy by osmosis. No?

And what are you telling me, that I need to stop eating Tornadoes (those little rolled up taco things) for lunch from the gas station? But I love gas station food. Anything that has a shelf life longer than the average expected life expectancy of the US population has to be good for you, doesn’t it? If those preservatives keep the food from going bad, should they preserve me too?

Ah well, I am sure the doctor will differ in her opinion. So I will go and be poked, prodded, pee in a cup, and maybe have leaches attached. Sounds like a great way to spend the afternoon. See, told you I was dizzy.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted…

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

I have been trying meditation, and tea, and walks, and about everything else I can think of. But do you want to know the truth? Well the truth is that I just really want to kill someone! There, I said it. Maybe that will make me feel better!

The problem is, and I am sure that a lot of you have the same problem, that there are lots of a-holes at work. Yup, amazing isn’t it. There are people at the office who just try to pass on blame, avoid responsibility, and simply seemed determined to screw other people up. Case in point - why would you wait until people involved on a project are out of town before you raise an issue. Oh, they aren’t responding while on vacation? Then immediately escalate, without letting them know, to the boss. The issue existed before anyone left, and people would be back the next day. This “escalator” chose that particular day to announce and push the problem specifically because there was no one there to offer a defense. It was a calculated action to get people into trouble. Really fosters a great team relationship doesn’t it?

Now here is the hard part. I am a firm believer in the fact that we are all dealt adversities in our life. What separates us and shows who we are is how we deal with those hardships. Yes, we all face jerks at work. What happens next is up to you and me. Do we turn into jerks in return? Or do we maintain our cool. So far I have been able to maintain my calm and not go back at this person. But when does that become just laying down and become a doormat? Since this person is a superior, there is only so much I can do without seeming out of line.

But like I said, I am going to burst soon. My blood pressure is up. My head hurts. And my face feels hot. And no, it isn’t just an isolated occurrence, and yes I am already on blood pressure medication. So other than killing someone, got any ideas? (And no, I am not seriously going to kill anyone.)