Postcards From Myself

Just wanted to post a few pictures from the Christmas Eve services at the Unitarian Church in Charleston. This was the early service with lots and lots of kids. There was even one dog in attendance.  The later service will be a bit more formal and orderly, but the 5pm service was a lot of fun.

Posted via email from Carnellm’s Posterous

The Work of Christmas

When the song of angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and the princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
    to find the lost,
    to heal the broken,
    to feed the hungry,
    to release the prisoner,
    to rebuild the nations,
    to bring peace among brothers,
    to make music in the heart.
          — Howard Thurman

It is getting to be the holiday season. I have to admit, this is my favorite time of year. I love the weather, I love the mood, and I love the food. (Especially pumpkin pancakes and muffins, but that is a different post.) But, I am also a bit melancholy during all the celebrations. Remember in A Christmas Carol when the Ghost of Christmas Present pulls aside his gown to reveal the two horrifying children? That is me.

I have always identified with The Ghost of Christmas Present. If I have one true career goal in life, it is to be him. From the size to the dress to the mannerism, he is who I want to be. But just as he hides the two children symbolizing Want and Ignorance, I hold these concerns within my heart as I go through the season.

The one I am worrying about today, and many of us are worrying about due to the recent financial crisis, is Want. While I and my friends may cut back because money is a bit tight, there exists true poverty in this world. While I worry about paying over $3.00 for a gallon of gas, there are people with no shoes to walk. While you worry about not being able to go to Starbucks every morning, there are children who go days with no meals or clean water. Why I worry about my children’s college and field trips and Christmas presents, there are parent out there wonder which of their children to let die because they can’t feed or take care of them both.

Remember this from the interchange between Scrooge and Jacob Marley:
Ebenezer: But it was only that you were an honest man of business!
Jacob Marley: BUSINESS? Mankind was my business! Their common welfare was my business!

It is those thoughts that travel with me, and should travel with you, during this season and the rest of the year. We are deluding ourselves if we think there can ever be world peace or stability while there is still so much poverty in the world. And can, or should, any of us truly have inner peace and stability while no that those two children sheltered by the Ghost of Christmas Present have not been attended to?

I was raised Baptist and now call my self a Unitarian/Universalist, so why do I have this guilt complex? Where does all this guilt come from?

Every Christmas, and more specifically the day of and days after, I get wrapped up in my gnawing feelings of guilt. These feeling basically boil down into three categories.

First, I feel that I didn’t do enough from my family and friends. I should have gotten them something more. I could have spent more time with them. I should have sent out more Christmas cards. (For the record, between my wife and I we sent out over 100 this year.) Is it all those TV ads telling me that I am not a good father/husband/son/friend unless I give until I bleed? Is it jealousy of what others give and get? I don’t know, but it hounds me.

Second, at some point over the stressful holidays someone, that would be me, looses their cool with a son, daughter, or sibling and fusses at them a little too long or loud. Usually the precipitating occurrence is nothing that bad, I just have had enough and blow my top. And then someone cries, or sulks, or withdraws and I feel bad. I know I should do it, and I feel bad when I do, but it happens non-the-less.

Finally, the third one involves the gifts I get. Ninety-nine percent of them are wonderful. In fact I have to say an especially big thanks this year to my wife who got me a wonderful new lens for my camera. But, there is always one present that just is bad, or wrong, or ugly.  And then I feel bad for not liking it. I fell bad for being ungrateful. But how can I be grateful for something I don’t like? But it is the thought that counts, right? Fine. So what am I supposed to do with it? And if I just get rid of it does that make me a bad person? If I really was grateful for the thought, wouldn’t I keep it?

Arrrrgggggg!!!!  Sorry, had to let that out. So, there you have my relief valve of guilt. Hopefully by spilling all this out some of the guilt will go away. It really has been a wonderful Christmas season and in truth I have nothing to complain about or feel guilty about.

If you have any guilt yourself, or ideas on way to deal with the problems I have listed, please give a shout. Really, honestly, I would love to hear what you have to say.

I just wanted to pause for a moment and wish you all a Merry Christmas. One of the things I have associated with Christmas since I was a small boy is trains. I love railroads and model railways, but as with a lot of folks, that pull gets even stronger around the holidays.

So, my off way of wishing you a happy holiday is to post a couple of model train pictures. The first one above, is of the OO British train that we have around our Christmas tree at home this year. I have been collecting British engines, cars, and buildings for years from makers like Hornby, Bachmann, and Lima, but this is the first time I have actually put them out. Maybe one day I will have a full layout, but until then under the Christmas tree will have to suffice. My son the layout work and test all of my engines to find the one that ran the best and most consistently.

The second picture, below, is from the Charleston Place hotel in downtown Charleston. Every year this grand hotel, owned The Orient-Express Hotels, puts a huge display up at the base of their main staircase. This layout is always a favorite with visitors and especially children – no matter what their age. This year the layout was created by the Charleston Model Railroad Club. It is, I am guessing, twenty feet by fifteen feet and probably eight feet at its highest point. With many different engines running at the same time, all automated, it is quite an impressive display.

So there you have some of my favorites for the season. Two things that both bring joy to my family and me currently, and bring back memories of things I loved when I was a boy. I wish you and yours a joyful and memorable holiday as well.